Significance

Do you get a little edgy when someone passes you on the highway? How about when someone is trying to merge and cuts closely in front of you?

What do you think fuels your emotion in these situations? What is really behind your reaction?

Consider significance.

Sociological giants have said that one of the basic human needs is the quest for significance. We are all driven by it in some way.

Think about your interactions with people on a daily basis--even those with whom you have no personal relationship.

What is behind your positive interactions? When the sales clerk goes out of his way to help you, why are you pleased? Because kindness in and of itself makes you happy? Or is it because that sales person knows that if he makes you feel significant you'll come back and buy more?

What is behind your negative interactions? When the person at the drive-thru barely makes eye-contact, doesn't greet you, and is conversing with someone else while waiting on you, why do you get upset? Perhaps, on a subconscious level, we interpret a message from this person as we are not worth his time and attention. Our sense of significance is being robbed!

A Finite Pie
Significance is highly individual. What feeds it for one may deplete it in someone else. However, whatever the specific interaction, we often operate as though significance is in short supply (a commodity) and we must take it from others to fulfill our own need. In the most lost of souls, this manifests itself in constant criticism of others, gossiping, outright rudeness, judgement, biting sarcasm, verbal assaults and passive aggression. Yet, in the economy of significance, these means rarely produce any true feelings of significance in the offender.

Stew in it or Blow it Off
By recognizing our own motivations behind our reactions, we can learn to reframe the situation for what it is and impersonalize it. This skill is important in order to protect ourselves from being duped by a slick salesperson or allowing one negative interaction to anger or deflate us for an entire day.

Perhaps, the person merging in front of us too closely just came from hearing some bad news about their child. What if the person at the drive-thru has had a rough life and is too insecure to interact meaningfully with others. Are these excuses? No. We are not justifying the actions of the other person. Within us, these are ways to understand and reframe our interactions so we keep things in perspective--appropriately moving on with our sense of significance in tact.

The Pitfall of "I Deserve It"
The drive for significance is one human motivation that your favorite retailer is very familiar with. "I deserve it" is something we tell ourselves (or is fed to us) in our quest to feel significant, worthwhile, or good enough. Occasionally saying this to ourselves may convince us to dip a toe in indulgence harmlessly. When "I deserve it" occupies many of our thoughts or drives many of our actions, we're in trouble. Not only does it fail to produce what we expect--justification, worth, and satisfaction, but it also robs us of our self-worth. It is not a net zero saying. We frequently lose something in ourselves by catering to it. In essence, we reinforce our feelings of insignificance. "Well, I'm so insecure that I need this perishable external thing to make me feel better." It's shallow, temporary, and a dangerous place to hang your hopes of significance.

Human beings who demonstrate good character deserve to be loved, cared for, honored, and valued. Things can never satisfy what the soul craves. And significance is never felt by stealing it from others or buying it in a store.

Fulfillment
How do you fulfill your quest for significance? Consider both positive and negative interactions or behaviors. What are some constructive ways you can add to your sense of significance? Hint: often, we get major deposits in our significance account when we selflessly offer kindness to others regardless of whether they deserve it or not--not to be confused with martyred self-sacrifice.

Significance and the Spirit
What if you feel deficient in the area of significance? What if you recognize that behind many of your interactions is a struggle for significance? As you embark on changing your pattern of behaviors, it can be defeating to realize how often and how automatic this clamor for significance really is. Take heart. Hang in there. You're on the right path. Many people find comfort in knowing that their significance is really already a settled matter. A relationship with God answers the questions of significance for many people. The Creator of the Universe desires to be in relationship with you. Who cares about the guy at the drive-thru window?!